A great story should simultaneously control what the reader imagines and not control imagination. Writing well is kind of like Goldilocks and the Three Bears. One sentence is just right. In keeping with this idea I’ve created three sentences below. One is too little, one is too much and one is just right. Which one do you prefer? Why?
After the story closed, the shoe salesman plucked a pair of shoes from one of the display shelves and slipped them on his feet.
After Shoe Emporium closed, the shoe salesman plucked a pair of red pumps from the window display and slipped them on his feet.
After the Shoe Emporium, which was located next to Save-a-Buck closed, the shoe salesman plucked a pair of glitter red pumps with silver stripe across the toe from the manikin in the window display and sat down on a bench where he slipped them on his feet.
In the first sentence the reader can and will imagine the shoes and the shelf. However, the writer hasn’t given the reader quite enough information. In the third sentence the reader is overwhelmed with information and their imagination may be too controlled. In the middle sentence, red pumps readers just enough about the shoes to imagine what the writer wants, but also the freedom to draw on their experience of red pumps, perhaps even picture a pair they find amazing. Same goes with the window display. If the reader lives in an area where shoes are displayed on manikins, that’s what they’ll imagine. They might also imagine them on shelves or in a thousand other ways. The only time we have to say that shoes were on a manikin, is if the manikin is going to be important. For example, the shoe salesman steals the manikin shoes so the manikin steals them back.
After the story closed, the shoe salesman plucked a pair of shoes from one of the display shelves and slipped them on his feet.
After Shoe Emporium closed, the shoe salesman plucked a pair of red pumps from the window display and slipped them on his feet.
After the Shoe Emporium, which was located next to Save-a-Buck closed, the shoe salesman plucked a pair of glitter red pumps with silver stripe across the toe from the manikin in the window display and sat down on a bench where he slipped them on his feet.
In the first sentence the reader can and will imagine the shoes and the shelf. However, the writer hasn’t given the reader quite enough information. In the third sentence the reader is overwhelmed with information and their imagination may be too controlled. In the middle sentence, red pumps readers just enough about the shoes to imagine what the writer wants, but also the freedom to draw on their experience of red pumps, perhaps even picture a pair they find amazing. Same goes with the window display. If the reader lives in an area where shoes are displayed on manikins, that’s what they’ll imagine. They might also imagine them on shelves or in a thousand other ways. The only time we have to say that shoes were on a manikin, is if the manikin is going to be important. For example, the shoe salesman steals the manikin shoes so the manikin steals them back.
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