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Coffee vs. Tea: Part Deux

6/18/2013

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Now I know that following the smash success of "Coffee vs. Tea: Part One", many of you have been waiting with bated breath for part two. This may not be strictly true, but in my head it is....don't ruin it for me. SO, without further ado (or to use a popular eggcorn, perhaps it should be adieu deux to the title), here it is!

Round One

Picture
It's five o'clock in the morning. Your toddler has decided that  he's done sleeping in until seven. For the next week or two, you will be dealing with sleep regression which means five o'clock will become a regular thing. So after you roll your sleepy butt off the wrong side of the bed, which do you bee-line for: coffee or tea? 

Well, if you want to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, you should reach for the Folgers. According to the Mayo Clinic, one cup of tea averages anywhere from 14 to 61 mg of caffeine while one cup of the ol' black and nasty yields at least 95 mg. AND TEA IS DOWN!

Round Two

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Now I may have the kickin' bod of a mac n' cheese scarfing basement dweller, but if I were to ever want to improve on my already shapely (read: round) form, which should I go with? 
Well, if I want my chair to stop groaning in protest every time I shift positions, tea is the right choice. The compounds in tea (green) "help shrink fat cells and makes muscle cells more active". 
However, if I want to bulk up so that I can double fist PBRs more efficiently, I should choose coffee. It's mainly the caffeine that stimulates the muscles helping you to power through more reps (and thus more beer).Also, both coffee and tea have particular health benefits. Coffee drinkers have a 30 percent less at risk of developing type 2 diabetes as well as 9 percent less likely to have skin cancer. Of course, you have to drink 3-4 cups a day to see these benefits. And, as for tea, it contains antioxidants that prevent viruses from reactivating and can help prevent prostate cancer (though this is not super helpful for me, as I'm a lady).
BOTH COFFEE AND TEA TAKE SIMULTANEOUS SHOTS TO THE GUT!

Round Three

Picture
It's five o'clock again, this time in the evening, and you're headed home from work. When suddenly, or maybe not so suddenly (you do take this route home every day), the four lane you're driving on goes down to two lanes. It backs up like crazy and, yet, everyday idiots speed down the ending lanes to get as far as they can while screwing over EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON! AHHHH! In this situation, if you had a nice cup of jasmine or lavender tea in your handy dandy travel mug, simply the smell of the tea could decrease your heart rate and calm you down. COFFEE TAKES A BEATING!

Judge's decision

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Well, kiddies, we've learned a lot today. If it were just up to me, I think we all know which way I'd go. But, unfortunately, after looking at the facts on both sides, I have to be fair. Oh, wait, I don't. This is my blog post and I am a corrupt and biased judge.....TEA WINS!  SUCK IT COFFEE! HA HA! 
Well, even though coffee lost, you have to admit that either way you go, drinking more coffee or tea has health benefits And even if they didn't, every cup of black coffee or tea that you drink is one less sugary soda you pick up.

Thanks to Men's Health for the source material. 
Author: Shannon, the intern.
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